Prison Blues

I hear the train a comin'
It's rollin' 'round the bend,
And I ain't seen the sunshine,
Since, I don't know when

 

Who doesn't love some Johnny Cash? This song has been getting me by the last few days. I have the Prison Blues & I'm going crazy! Okay well I'm always a little crazy but I'm going mental over here!!! 

So I'm grounded...From the whole world! Or at least it feels that way!  I messed up, I admit that and I won't ever repeat it but darn't I need some sunlight! Some Facebook would help too :-)

I have been grounded since the start of this week and it's not over until TUESDAY! That day seems so far away! I am not allowed on Facebook or my phone! I'm not allowed to go anywhere but to work and home... I'm bored! My friend's miss me and I can't tell them why I'm not talking to them or spending time with them. At least they BETTER miss me! I feel like a little kid staring out the window on a rainy day knowing he can't go outside and play in the rain, yet so craving the feeling of the wind from swinging on his swing set.

I've begged, cried, pleaded & even made so many promises for him to let this grounding up a little early... Either I am not a good bargainer or he is just a big mean smurf! He is not letting up and in fact I've been ummm... "reassured" that if I ask again the grounding will be prolonged! Lately it seems he is being a lot stricter then before. I use to be able to manipulate get him to see my side of things and he would allow me to have my way & let me off punishment or do the things I wanted. Now though he doesn't let me manipulate bargain at all. In fact he spanks over it if I try. I like the consistency, but I fight the urge to be stubborn and have MY way. I need to learn to just let it go... I know he does everything because he loves me and is protecting me but darn't sometimes that stubborn streak takes over and I can't fight it!

 I know I deserve this, I know I really hurt him and I feel horrid for it. Honestly I do. It's totally my fault and I should of had wayyy more respect for him then I showed with my actions. I should of loved him enough to not go overboard. But...

I did! :-( You see since we have started dating I haven't had any "girl" time with my girls. I have been so wrapped up in him and work that I let my friendships dwindle down a bit. So I planned a girls night twice this last week... Well I got a little drunk both times. He told me how much I could drink and how long to stay out, but that little oh-so-fun girl was sitting on my shoulder & she gave me permission to go buck-wild and in her words, "LET FREEDOM RING"!

 Well she was right it was fun and freedom did ring until A(the finance') walked INTO the bar and saw how happy messed up I was! Not only did I get spanking that night but the next night I did it again when he let me go out again... Well..ummm... Let's just say after the second spanking I couldn't even sit without watery eyes! I learned my lesson I REALLY, REALLY did! The hangover just added to the torture!

He didn't agree though hence the grounding... A lot of thoughts are going through my head such as... 

 

                      When I get off this grounding I am going so

 buck wild with my girls!! I'm going to the pool 

and laying out all day long to suck in all the sunshine 

that I have missed in this amazing summer! I'm using all the

 minutes on my phone to catch up on missed conversations! I'm going 

to have finger arthritis from playing on Facebook ALL day!

The beautiful little angel with that sweet submissive cherry-red glossed smile that sits on my right shoulder that he loves so dearly says different though... I think I might just listen to her and behave myself and ONLY drink what he says I can and obey ALL of his rules when I am out with my girls... who knows maybe it might just help me get home safe.... maybe being wild isn't as freeing as I thought after all!! Time to bring the Halo back out :-)